Holy Ground
by sogoodatmending
Summary: It wouldn't be long until Eli left Toronto for New York University, leaving his friends and family behind. It would be the moments unseen by anyone except him and Clare that he would hold closest to him as he went along for his journey. And it would be the captured smiles that would keep him sane until he got back. But when he does return, will she still be waiting? Oneshot.


**Holy Ground**

_**This story is basically inspired by that little video that Eli had made with Clare, depicting him leaving her behind when he went to university. I've posted it on my blog before, so if it sounds familiar that would be why. I just figured to put it up on here as well. It kind of passed through my mind as I saw that one clip of Clare just smiling into the camera and why Eli would have had her do that. It's quite short, enjoy.**_

The school was so quiet at night without anyone else around. Peaceful. And it probably would have been more peaceful if it weren't for what was about to go on. Sure. It was just a film project. Just maybe about an hour of running back and forth across this hallway. From this classroom, to the next, to the bathroom out those doors, into the hallway, up to the camera. But it gave me chills. The silence wasn't the silence her and I usually shared together. That beautiful, peaceful serenity that was just perfect for her to fall asleep in my arms to. No. It was haunting. Because through the shuffling of feet and panting and breathing…as much as this was acting, this was real. This was a foreshadowing of what was going to happen. Each of us running in every direction trying to find each other. Trying to catch each other.

Isn't that what our entire relationship was? Running just to find each other? From me running away because of me not wanting to hurt her in the first place. To her running scared because of the monster she found out I was. To the both of us just running around in circles like decapitated chickens trying to figure out how to fit in this new relationship when the twinkly lights had momentarily faded. But we made it. We eventually found each other. We always find each other. And it usually happens with a few stares, nervous quivers and a terrifying kiss. Our hearts beat on each other's off beat and our hands shake too much to comfort the other. The tears fall out from her left eye and mine from the right. It's all so complex and beautiful.

I will never forget the look on her face. The look when I turned and walked away. We hugged and shared a moment and then she looked so…so shattered. I never would have thought anyone would be that upset to be losing me. Never. I didn't think it mattered that much. That I couldn't matter that much to anyone. But she proved me wrong. Hell did she prove me wrong. Because the look in her eyes at that very second was the most destroying, unbearable look I've ever seen in my entire life. And there was nothing I could do about it. We both knew this was going to happen. We both knew I was going to have to leave. So just like I walked out in that video, I left in reality. I was gone. _She _was gone.

"_What's next? Do you want to film the final scene over again?" I laughed a bit at the girl's curiosity. We'd filmed everything that we needed to. The project was finished. But neither of us wanted to pack up. We knew that it was just a film project but we both knew that once it was finished…well neither of us wanted to think about that._

"You just want to be close to me again, don't you, Edwards?" I made her blush. Good. That blush was the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. I moved to stand behind the camera, watching the screen. I sighed a bit as she watched and shuffled my feet a bit. "Smile into the camera."

Her eyebrow arched. She was confused. "Why…?"  
"Just do it."

"What's the purpose of it, though?"

"When I'm gone and I'm watching this, what if I just want to see you smile? Please?"  
There was a bit of a laugh. "Fine." And there was that pretty smile.

Over and over and over again I watch that damn film. The project that got me the recommendation letter to get into NYU. Probably my saving grace. And to be honest, it's all that I thought it would be. Maybe even more. It's the school of my dreams, really. I love it. I knew that if I had passed up this opportunity, it would have been one of the biggest regrets in my life. I'm glad I took it. Then what's my problem? Her. Because every time I see that smile, I wonder if she still smiles like that. I wonder if she looks the same. What the length of her hair is. If it still curls in the same way. If her eyes shine that bright. If her lips feel the same, if her shampoo smells the same. If she does that cute little scrunch of her nose when she disagrees with someone. I miss it all so much. The freckles under her eyes in the sunshine. The dresses. The earrings that bring out her stellar eyes. Her goddamn laugh.

"_That's an incredible dress, Clare. You're going to look so amazing in it." It's blue. The same colour of her eyes. It makes them shine twice as bright._

"I know but I don't want to go. It's just homecoming, I mean it's not like I'm skipping prom."

"What is it that Alli told you? Go, dance, have a good time."

"I don't want to dance if I'm not dancing with you."

I lost her. That's my biggest regret. I couldn't do anything about it which just made it worse. I couldn't leave here. I tried to visit as much as I possibly could. But that wasn't enough. Of course it wasn't. I couldn't be there when she needed or I was there when she was busy. It was all out of sync. And I started to wonder how true the word _soulmate_ really was. That wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine. It just…fell. The bridge didn't hold. As much as we wanted it to. It wasn't a messy break. It was simple. Mutual. And noted that if we were ever brought back together, then so be it. But until then…it just wasn't our time. It never really was. Was it? Maybe at certain points. But not right now. But it will be. It _has _to be. Mutual and not messy or not I'm still desperately in love with that girl and distance will never change that. Until then…all I have is this video. These last few moments that meant the world to us. That one last smile…

"_Thank you, love." The kiss after the smile had been the best part of it all._

"Are you ready to leave?"

"No." I sigh, picking up my backpack outside the airport.

"I'll be here when you get back."

"Will you?"

There was a sigh. A goodbye. And a smile. 


End file.
